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"It was Ronnie that tipped me off to the plight of this All-American Hero", President Bush admitted humbly today, "I mean I just can't take all the credit for resurrecting this misunderstood veteran of the War on Drugs."
Richard Chase, the so-called "Vampire of Sacramento", was arrested in January of 1978 for the multiple murders that he committed in order to keep himself supplied with the fresh blood that he thought he needed to keep his heart functioning.

Chase justified the murders by saying "The whole neighborhood was a bunch of drug addicts [...]. Everybody who lived around there for a square mile, for ten square miles, knew what was going on."

"It was Mr. Chases's comment about the "drug addicts" that tipped me off that we had a special case here" Ex-President Reagan told Reality Sandwich reporter David A. Bannister, "Why his reasoning was practically the same as what I used to get to be Governor at the time. I would've pardoned him then but the valiant man took his own life before I had a chance. I guess in prison he just didn't have enough opportunities to get the blood he needed to keep going. It was a tragedy really. His heart was in the right place."

When asked about the resurrection process used, President Bush was mum, "We're not ready to divulge that information at this time." Confidential Reality Sandwich sources said that it may've been developed as a result of attempts to bring Mary Jo Kopeckne back from the Chappaquidick to testify against that damn pot smoking pill head Ted Kennedy.

Mr. Bush did share his other plans for Mr. Chase "After the boy gets cleaned up a bit, Barbara & I'll adopt him. Then its just a matter of giving him the decent job of helping me dispose of those 150,000 Iraqui corpses."